One...

You know... My life is really fucked up.

But it doesn’t mean that i don’t care.

I cared from the first kiss, which made me feel like i was in Heaven. I cared from the first „ Happy Birthday” i told you at your party. I cared even when i heard you were kissing another girl that night.

That made me very mad, and i didn’t tought about my actions. I kissed your best friend, even if i didn’t liked him.

You should have seen the way i was looking at you. You should have seen that i was not myself when i told you that it was OK.

I made mistakes, I know...

But you made your own mistakes, when you kissed her.

I’m not that kind of girl, that would make a big fuss about something, altought I was hurt and I wanted you.

You should have seen the way I was looking at you, even when I was with your best friend, my so called „boyfriend”.

There were nights when I was sleeping in the bed beneath yours, with that guy and I was only thinkig of how gentle would have been your touches and your breath on my skin, how good would it be in your arms, to feel your soft kiss on my forehead, while I was sleeping on your chest.

You’ve seen that I was admiring you everytime you would take your shirt of, and I would have given a day of my life if you stripped that night in front of me, even unintentionally. I would have loved it ... Very much!

That night when we met in my hometown I knew I couldn’t rezist the tentation of feeling your lips next to mine once again.

My heart was pumping more blood those moments when I was  with you, then it did my whole life.

I love talking with you, and listening because you seem to care. You care what you say to me and if it would hurt me. I love the way you care. Even though you are more independent and not so much protective, I love that you let me live my life.

You promised me you wouldn’t  do the same mistake again and you kept your promise.

Probably you don’t know... But everytime I had to give myself to him I tought how it would have been with you... And a couple og nights ago I received my answer... HEAVEN ON EARTH, wish it would never end, wish it would come another one after that.

You have no ideea of how you made me feel... Because when I was with him, I never wanted to have sex with him... But he forced me into it... The first time, the second, and the third and last time.

What am I saying that I make mistakes?

I’m the fuckin’ queen  of bad decisions.

When I was falling asleep in your arms, i felt so relieved, even tought maybe you won’t have feelings for me ever... Or maybe you already have... I don’t know... It’s too early to say I guess.

But belive me. Since I’m with you I don’t regret a thing.

Everynight I would sleep next to you, and with every kiss, I would want you more and more.

I want that night to put it on repeat everytime we can,  or do it all over again.

I think I got used, to be in your bed and to jump from it to get on the ground, to get up next to you, and to kiss you „Good Morning”, and to tell you to get back to bed, when I go to classes. I got used to come in your room and to find you at your laptop next to the window were you get so excited to see the snow in the early morning. I got used to stare at you when you’re going to take a shower.

Probably tomorrow I’ll get up and think for a second before I start searching for you in bed...